CHAPTER 4 - MERRY GO ROUND

                

 

Round and round we go in this merry go round,

Where every end is the beginning,

and every beginning is the end.

We keep on losing people, but the ride never stops.

I have always been an average person, but had an ambition and dreams to fulfil. Everything was going by the books of fate and it seemed pretty good, but then my life turned upside down due to a series of incidents.

On 7^th July, 2015 we welcomed a baby boy in our house who happened to be 17 years younger than me! There were blue balloons floating everywhere, sounds of laughters and giggles were playing in every corner of our house. We felt like flying over the fields of strawberries and candies. But that feeling didn’t stay for long.

In 2016 a day before my birthday, my mother got a paralysis attack and was hospitalised immediately. I was just 18 years old then and had to look over my nine months old brother. I had to divide my time and focus between my career and my brother. After few months, she was discharged from hospital and things were gradually picking up its pace to normal life. But then again after sometime, mom had to be hospitalised due to septicaemia. I remember my last kiss on her forehead and all I said was, “Mumma, I am waiting for you! Please come back soon” 

But she never came back

A blink of an eye and there she was, bidding her last goodbye from life. It was hard to believe that her laughs won’t echo with mine anymore, her smile won’t be relieving our eyes anymore. 

I lost my fighter in fraction of seconds.

As a cope up mechanism, I started using my pain for making me stronger and resilient. I had to stop attending college and start looking after my brother. As a result, I was charged with a huge amount of fine by the college due to attendance shortage. I decided to pay the fine all by myself and not stress my dad. So I started taking tuitions during free time and got a 9-5 job. I was finally able to pay the fine all by myself. It feels extremely independent when you are able to solve your problems all by yourself and be self-reliant. I was numb for a long time after my mom’s death. My head and heart constantly felt like drowning deep into a void to nowhere. Yes, life hasn’t been an easy ride for me and I have learned that losing faith can never be the solution. I feel all incidents of life are interconnected somewhere and it’s a never ending cycle of happiness, pain, sorrow and tears. My dad has been a huge support for me but there’s a blank space which craves for mom to come back. 

My ultimate gateway to fantasy has been writing. I find peace in writing and can vent my emotions better on a piece of paper with a pen. I am stronger than ever before and efficient enough to balance my career and home together. Securing my brother’s future and earning a name for myself is my ultimate goal in life now.I work hard day and night so that one day I can see my mumma’s reflection in me. My message for all of you is that we never know what upcoming moments of life hold for us. So enjoy every day as if there’s no tomorrow. Never forget to tell how grateful you are for having your friends and family by your side.